No more roller-coaster

That roller-coaster I was on this week was a job offer as branch manager from a small town public library in Indiana.  Ultimately, I decided not to take the position because the salary was too low for Reese and I to live on without me worrying constantly.  It was truly the hardest decision I have had to make in a very long time.  You may think that choosing to adopt a child was hard but it was cake compared to this.   Trying to decide alone what would be better for Reese and I was so hard.  I have been saying that I wanted to be within driving distance of my family in Indiana and that I want to be a public librarian but it was terrifying to actually think about that happening.  I mourned the position because I know I would have been amazing at the job but with the expense of Reese in preschool/day care and the fact that I could not find any licensed ones close to where I would be working was a problem.  I still have moments that I worry that I made the wrong choice but then earlier I had a wonderful moment when I truly realized how good we have it in Phoenix.  Why can't Phoenix be our forever home? Why can't I just be happy where we are?  I have a job that is flexible for when I have to focus on my family and we financially need some help from my dad each month but we are in a pretty good place.  We live in an amazing home and have good friends and family that are close.  Phoenix and Arizona have so much to offer that we have not experienced yet.  I still have an Arizona bucket list of things we need to do, like the Kartchner Caverns, camping in the state park cabins, the Polar Express Railroad to the Grand Canyon, hell I have still never been to Mexico.  We are okay and with everything we have been through in the past year, maybe it is okay to just be here and be okay for a while.  The right next move won't be so hard to decide because it will just be right.  I hate being so wishy-washy and not knowing if I am making the right choice or not.  Even now I am questioning it.  Ugh.  It was nice to think about for a while, and now I know there will be offers and not only rejections.  Something else will come along but we are happy right now just where we are.  Do you hear how I am still trying to convince myself?

It is time to stay in this chapter for a while, the next will come when it was meant to.

I need this reminder again today: